Hemma! Hemma!
Hemma! Hemma! That’s what my brother and I used to yell when we wanted folks to hurry up. We used it with our friends at a time when other people our age were saying let’s split this joint! Perhaps there’s a reason that people have always looked askance at me. Fine.
I can’t think of another way to express how I feel about taking the Steps. The urgency of finding a solution to the alcoholic (or Al-Anon) way of thinking cannot be greater.
Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death. ~AA p30
When we arrive at the AA meeting tables, most of us are at an all-time low in our lives. I found in a journal yesterday where I wrote that I could go three days at the most without drinking. The problem being, once I started I couldn’t quit until I drank myself to sleep. (I think that sounds so much more civilized than ‘passed out’, don’t you?)
We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals—usually brief—were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. ~AA p 30
On a morning after, while sober, I took myself to my first AA meeting and made a decision to stop the insanity. That decision was prompted by the demoralization described in the chapter called More About Alcoholism. The current terminology is hitting bottom. Though I hit a high bottom compared to some, it was low enough to make me desperate. That bottom, to me, was incomprehensible. Each person’s experience of hitting bottom is different…but always a highly emotional event. This is the gateway to insanity.
I’ll never forget the desperation for finding a way to end my life and the realization that my life was pointless. I was praying for God to end it. Just in case He didn’t, I was desperately scheming for a way to assist in which my loved ones would not suspect I caused it. Insanity.
The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed. We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. ~AA p 30
I’ve underlined how many times the quotes from page 30 allude to the lies that we cling to.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. ~ AA p 30
Whether an alcoholic, an Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or just a Normie with a life out of control, I cannot help but urge you to do it. Take the Steps! Seriously, Hemma! Hemma!
With a smile on my lips… Hemma, means at home in Swedish – my native language – and it is how I feel when I read your blog… That is where I want to get to, but right now it feels sort of tough.
Sofia–Oh, my. I didn’t think about it meaning something in another language. I Googled it and didn’t find anything disgusting, so thought it was safe to use the word. I don’t always know…as you’ve just pointed out. I’m so amused to find out it means home. What do you mean about it feeling tough? You can always email me at h.h.fogle@gmail.com. Thank you very much for stopping by, Sofia.
I thousand and one percent
agree with you that alcoholics never recover. In my other attempts at sobriety, I quickly decided I could probably drink not-to-excess. Wrong! I found that I could manage this for a few days but eventually went back to regularly having 3 drinks (or more) per night. It’s only been at what I consider my last shot (at almost 50 years of age) that I quickly realized that NO WAY could I ever have a drink again. Thanks for your “like” on my post. I’ve subscribed to your blog.
Pollockpineswoman–I’m glad we’re on the same page. I’ve found so many who would try to disagree but for me it’s also NO WAY. Thank you very, very much for commenting about your own recovery. Do come back!
I can’t agree more! My sponsor guided me 1 through 12 in my first six months and I feel sure that it saved my life! ” With all earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.” is one of my favorite lines from the big book. To me if I take this line to heart all the rest seems to fall into place!
Sherrie– I love that line too! I do credit the Steps, God and the folks at the Fellowship Club of AA for saving my life.