Step 3: Part 4 Flat-Out Decision
There’s something about flat-out that screams for attention, doesn’t it? One might think I took that position on the floor of the club to get God’s attention. Not so.
I already had His attention! In reality, the problem was: He didn’t have mine.
In retrospect, I don’t remember ever saying to myself, I just want to run my own life, God, so butt out. But in reality, that’s how I was living. One decision at a time, I was taking charge of my own life and controlling things to suit me. I was putting my own ideas and my own thinking into action.
Being candid here, I thought it was being responsible, I was stepping up to the plate. I was taking charge, being invested and being smart, even. I was accomplishing things that were on my goal list, wasn’t I? What’s so wrong with that?
Just count the number of times I’ve used I or implied I in the previous paragraph. Yup. I, I, I…
That’s the problem. It’s called playing God. (I had no clue.)
The way out was to get a clue by examining my thought process. I thought I was supposed to be in charge of my own life, so I was. Look where that got me: drunk and suicidal. My way of thinking is what got me on the wrong path. My self-will took me further and further down a destructive trail towards an inevitable dead end.
It was going to take a flat-out decision on my part to remedy my predicament, my self-willed life, before I prematurely ended it.
I finally hurt enough to make this flat-out decision. The motivator was the pain. The pain is why I was lying flat out on the carpet in an empty room at the Fellowship Club. Without the crippling pain, I never would have made the decision. I know there are people who don’t have to reach such a crisis point to make this decision, but I’m the kind that does.
Maybe it’s the Irish red-headed stubbornness in me. Maybe it’s the German bull-headedness. Maybe it’s the 4th of July birthday. Who cares? I’m just so thankful I finally flat-out decided to take Step 3.
If my life was the result of bull-headed wrong thinking and stubborn wrong action, then I could have a remarkably different life by taking Step 3 seriously. Step 3 bears careful reading, and not just because I’m an English major, either.
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.”
As Joe and Charlie say, “We don’t turn anything over to God in Step 3. We make a decision to do something in Step 3, and the decision itself implies we’re going to take some further action to carry it out.”
PS: But how do we do that? First, I wonder how you define “will” and “lives”?
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Al,
Bazinga!
Goodbye heartburn
)
My epiphany on Step 3 came at some hole in the wall church basement meeting in the middle of nowhere northern Ontario last Summer when i talked about how willing i was to work the steps, but was still plagued by fear and self doubt. One of the four people in that basement (and a guy who didn’t particularly like me very much!) pointed out that giving up everything to God meant you never had to be afraid again, because someone else was looking out for me.
The penny dropped, as they say in England.
Al–Wow! Drop that Penny!!! I love what you say about the fear. How true!! That will inspire another post. Thanks, Al
Can’t wait to hear !
oh no. THere it is: turn it over. not my job, taken care of…
THIS is where the rubber hits the road for sure! I am not a red head but I am of sturdy German stock. I am a control freak and a Virgo (for what thats worth: a know it all, control freak)
all adds up to:
Check in with the 3rd step OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. There is this one certain Voice that is not mine and it is THE voice I need to follow. (don’t worry, not a ‘voice in my head’ voice. I got those “therapized’ a long time ago…)
You nail it AGAIN!
Thinking of you often. Prayers going out!!!
Love, Jen
Jen– I love that you said ‘check in with the 3rd step OVER AND OVER AND OVER again’. The voice I need to follow isn’t mine, either! Thanks for the praise. I’m loving what you’re doing on your blog.
Hello, Heidi! Sure do love this series!!! I posted this a couple months ago. Hope it helps someone.
“The Will – This is the part that determines what we want. It chooses. It should be in control, well-informed by both the mind and the emotions. It is the scale where the soul weighs the mind against the emotions, facts against feelings, and decides what the outcome will be. The will grows stronger by ‘exercising the will’ and weaker, even unstable, by continuing in indecision. A strong-willed soul may even superimpose its wants onto someone else, if that someone is weak-willed. And stay out of the way if two strong-willed persons have opposing desires: That can even cause wars.”
http://katharinetrauger.wordpress.com/2011/11/08/psyching-up-for-the-great-psyche-out/
I think the “life” mentioned here means the selfish life, which does not last very long. There is another life that never ends.
katharine–Thank you for your clarification. Interesting.
Wonderful question you ask. But first, your comments about pain. I’m so glad you responded to your pain with surrender that led you on a path of healing from the inside out. I’m amazed at the pain threshold some have.
Defining will and lives? I think will is my determination, both good a bad. Sometimes to my benefit and others, to my peril. LIves….would have to encompass all of my being, emotional, spiritual, physical and mental. My being. He wants it all.
Debby–I love the way you think! Thank you for your definitions. It’s great fun when people play along with the topic and you’re so good to do that. I see so much focus on the outside (ie:being pretty, skinny, fit) and it’s really just our insides that survive this earthly trip! These bodies are tents. It’s people’s insides I try to focus on. I know you do, too. My insides were rotting so quickly!
Forgot to click for comments!
It’s been insightful following you on your journey. Thanks for going through the effort to share it.
Nancy
Nancy- I appreciate your stopping by!