Step 3: I Swore I’d Never…
1. What did you resolve that you’d never do when you were a kid? (ask the question*)
I had a long list. Of the eight above, I only managed to avoid one completely. I’ve never lived in the ‘little boxes all in a row‘…unless being trailer trash counts.
2. What character trait were you afraid you might develop? (name the fear)
I am surprised how much my behavior through 6 decades has been framed around these fears: (corresponding to the list above my booster seat) I was afraid I’d be:
- a workaholic
3. How have you sacrificed in order to make sure it never happened? Or did it anyway? (what has this cost me?)
Where I violated the childhood resolves, I’ve paid dearly in terms of self-esteem and regret. My character defects glaringly contributed to all the self-betrayals. In some cases, I made foolish or impetuous decisions rather than come close to the breaking of those resolutions; in others, I’ve not only broken them, I’ve spent decades trying to extricate myself from the traps I swore I’d never fall into.
The Not So Scary Worksheet of Step 3 in the sidebar is one that helps me identify ways in which my self-will has contributed to much of the insanity of my life. My stubborn self-will and the attempt to control my own life have not worked for me. The more I dig, the more I realize that I was so busy trying to make my life work, that I missed knowing what God’s will for my life might be.
The resolves that I thought would ‘boost’ me into a life far better than that of my parents, have not worked.
Before AA I judged myself by my intentions, while the world was judging me by my actions. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 2012, p 418
` PS: Can you think of a resolution you made as a child? What was the corresponding fear?
*questions from the Step 3 Not So Scary Worksheet in the sidebar