She said, “Heidi, I don’t know why anyone calls you when they’re having problems.”

This made me smile. Me neither. I’m not a coddling, make-ya-feel warm-n-fuzzy kind of gal! Straight talkin’ and firin’ from the hip, is my style

Really, I’ve no idea why people who want to whine ever talk to me. I’m fighting my own impulsive self-indulgence, self-pity and self-obsessing all the time! It’s a constant, daily tug of war. On one end of the rope is Self, just pulling for all she’s worth. On the other end is the 12 Steps and my God’s grace trying to pull me back into balance.

I can practice what the Steps teach me or I can fall on my britches and just let Self pull me into that abyss again. Which is it?

The 12 Steps or the Self? I can apply some action now using the Step that applies to my current struggles or I can live in the Self and whine and moan and fall over the cliff dangling there… in an emotional hangover… I can live in that ugly, negative space where I criticize, worry, become obsessively fearful and complaining… or not.

I’d rather dive backwards and grab a hold of my program with both fists and hang on tight until God’s grace rescues me once more and I have gratitude for the fact that I’m still alive. Because by all rights the way I was living… I shouldn’t be….(and I have the guts to be complainin’ about stuff?)

I can keep falling down and lie there in abject falsehood and the mucky neighborhood of lies or I can just get up and hang onto the truth. Gonna shoot for the truth every time, be a straight-shooter for me ‘n for you. I will not cotton to any more whinin’!

Barney Fife was right.

Barney’s one of my favorite philosophers.


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