Baby Stepping Fourth: Day 7

Day 7 Assignment: List your unhealthy character traits

What’s the point? Simple. We all have instinctive defenses. You listed yours in column 4 for each resentment on the inventory.

What lies behind those defense mechanisms, the motivations for our ill behavior, is a set of traits. In the 1930s language of Alcoholics Anonymous, those traits or weaknesses are called character defects.

Taking this in baby steps requires that we keep it simple. So, here are the basic defects that we’re looking for: dishonesty, selfishness, self-seeking, and fear. If none of those fit, you can use inconsiderate, as well.

Here is an example: I used to raise my voice and argue when I felt threatened. The following basic defects applied:

  • Dishonesty – I didn’t want anyone (especially myself) to see how fearful I felt, so I confidently reacted in anger. My confidence, though not honest, was very loud.
  • Selfish – Like a toddler, I wanted things the way I wanted them. When they didn’t go my way, I attacked the uncooperative.
  • Self-seeking – It was important to me that I accomplish my goals, get my needs met. I never looked at anyone else’s needs or desires unless they helped mine. I didn’t ask people for their perspective. I didn’t really care.
  • Fear – I never expected life to turn out well. Every little thing scared me and further proved to me that I was right: life was out to get me. Fear fueled my attacks on others and I felt justified using anger against them.

In this example all 4 character defects came into play. Your experience may be different.

Contact me if you have any questions. This part of the inventory is the hardest. Reality is not easy to find when we begin this process. You are not alone. Reach out to others who have been through this Step. You can read more examples in Peeling and the Foul Four

Finish this and you’re done with the Not So Scary Resentments Inventory of Step 4. Congratulations!

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