The Sensitive Side of an Alcoholic

When I was 4, I wanted to stay home and cook for my Dad when I grew up. I probably only remember that because my mom found it to be so funny that she left the kitchen and told my Dad who also laughed. I didn’t find it funny at all. Here I set this really big goal, maybe the first long term goal I’d ever made… and they laughed.

I was always too sensitive. At least that’s what people said. I never could let you watch much Lassie because you’d have nightmares, says Mom. Now that’s being too sensitive!

Don’t let them know that you’re upset and they’ll quit teasing you. That was the only solution I was ever given for being teased so much. Getting teased was the payback for being sensitive.

My worst memory of recess is in 6th grade. Boys would chase me on the playground and throw me down and hit me with their jackets until I cried. When I told the teachers, I don’t remember any feeling of satisfaction. I don’t think anything at all happened except the boys taunted me even more. I started playing around the outside bathrooms on the playground because the boys couldn’t get me if I took refuge there.

It wasn’t just the boys. I remember getting a good English grade on something nice that I wrote about my mom. On the way home another little girl took my paper away from me. When I arrived in the kitchen crying about it my mom made me go to Patti’s house and ask her for the paper. I thought that would kill me and I really didn’t think Mom needed to add insult to injury by making me solve the problem myself. By the time I got the assignment home, I didn’t even believe what I’d written anymore!

Too sensitive. Right. AA page 125, We alcoholics are sensitive people. It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.

I know I’m not alone in thinking that the Alcoholics Anonymous book seems to be written about me. I find that Bill had an uncanny way of putting his finger on the pulse of the alcoholic. I’ve always been incapable of issuing a decent threat. My one-liners come to mind:

  • If you don’t do something about this situation right now, I’ll… just explode!” (said to a Christian school principal.)
  • I’m hanging up now because if I don’t…you’re going to regret hearing what my mind is thinking. (said to a boss)
  • Slow down right now or… I’ll never ride with you again. (said to a classmate in high school)
  • Stop that right now or… I’ll find a way to make you really sorry. (said to my son in junior high)

I’m just not very good with threats. The problem being, that I don’t want to hurt anyone. Not really. I just want them to take me seriously but I’m too sensitive to carry it off! My brother never had that problem. “Sit down and shut up or you’re going overboard!” He’s good. I never got the hang of it.

Now you. Yes you, the person reading this post. Are you paying attention?

Read all the posts on this entire blog or…. else!

Still too sensitive?

It takes some of us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap.