One of the great joys of having a job that keeps me at home is the freedom to read. I used to see people in ‘low level’ jobs reading a book between tasks and think, That would be the definition of a good job, if I didn’t have a college education.
I wonder now how many of those low-levels already had tried education, money or prestige and decided to redefine ‘good jobs’. I did.
Took a while…. Slow learner–that’s me. I’m not just being humble, either. I really learn fairly slowly. Reading didn’t come easily for me but by the time I was 6, Dad was trying to teach me speed reading. Ha! That might have been a good metaphor for our entire relationship. Poor guy.
I recently went back to Iowa and had the tremendous privilege of going to my AA home groups and reconnecting with my mentors. I nearly knocked some of them over, hugging. I’ve changed, thank God!
I kind of expected that I’d go into withdrawal when I hit Southern Texas again and became restricted to the gate guarding trailer once more. So I wasn’t surprised that the former contentment and great serenity was slow to return. Have I mentioned that I’m not patient? Typical alcoholic that I am, I was in a state of anxiety over losing my serenity when I realized it!
I hadn’t taken my thyroid meds for days.
I needed to give God the new trailer and truck so I didn’t fear losing them.
I needed some down time.
I give no credit to the program for the pills I take, except to say that taking care of myself physically is part of my recovery.
The awesome awareness of God is something that has sky rocketed since the program. Before that, I had a lot of head knowledge and not a lot of anything else. You can read more about that in my friend’s blog at Two Minute’s Of Grace
A call from an AA Old Timer helped me see that I need to add some ‘fluff’ to my life. He suggested that I’m too focused on accomplishment and not focused enough on enjoyment of this new life God’s blessed me with.
Several pills, a prayer and an e-book later, I was ecstatically serene again. Is that a dichotomy? (My serenity may differ from yours). I’m so thankful for the program and thankful for the chance to be back in Texas reading: reading fiction on my Kindle and reading the wisdom and challenges of others in recovery online. It’s peachy being able to work and read when I’m not busy!
The poem below sums up my whole Step work and recovery experience. It’s written by a blogger that I follow. Hope you take the chance to check out her work.
I don’t believe contentment
Swims around waiting to be caught.
I think it’s more like the wild yeast
That finds its way to my starter.
If I put the ingredients in my life
Contentment will rise to the occasion.