Not in My Wheelhouse

Not my wheelhouse

There are certain people in my life that I am now willing to see…really see. I’m not pretending they are someone other than themselves. I’m not even pretending they are the potential that I see. I am seeing them for real…at last and I’m seeing them out the door of my wheelhouse.

Who’s not in my wheelhouse:

  • This great-grandmother who will now never be freed from harsh and controlling relatives
  • This professional woman who continues to push others away with her anger, manipulations and defensiveness
  • This gal who refuses to set aside the perfection pretense, and show herself as a real person with flaws

I took off my Attagirl Captains Cap and started learning how to ‘detach with love’. Caring, not curing is my agenda. For the time being I’m closing the wheelhouse door, making very little contact with my co-dependents.

Therefore I’m not:

  • Obsessed with their everyday schedule
  • Providing support by the bucket-loads in email, social media or by phone
  • Diligently donating my emotional energy to fighting their battles
  • Patching myself together after they ‘let me down’ again
  • Trying to manipulate them into seeing reality, but rather recognizing my own

What is in my wheelhouse:

  • My attitude and voice tone
  • My expectations of others
  • My schedule, to some extent
  • What and whom I listen to
  • How I spend the hours that are mine

I admit:

  • I’m angry with myself for obsessing
  • I’m feeling stupid for not seeing any of this sooner
  • I’m wishing I were just a drunk and not also a co-dependent
  • I’ve moved from feeling sorry for them to occasionally feeling sorry for myself (also not good)
  • I don’t really like people, after all

After cleaning out my wheelhouse I find I’m a little lonely. This is a good thing. It helps me focus on my spiritual life and I’m enjoying being more open to Him. As my focus moves inward, I’m finding that I have plenty of issues that God might want to change, in His time. I’m not going to be able to cure anyone else and I can’t cure myself, either, but I can stay willing. That’s in my wheelhouse.

`PS: Is your wheelhouse crowded?  What else might I need to clear from my wheelhouse?