When I’m not, you can’t be, either! I’m going to judge, criticize, project and react to you. The relationship itself churns and becomes bitter. That’s how I’m not OK, you’re not OK either works. I become incapable of seeing you through love and instead, see you through negativity that dictates, you being wrong, so I can be right. The judgment gavel falls.
Dan O’Grady, a psychologist and Living School student, told me recently that our negative and critical thoughts are like Velcro, they stick and hold; whereas our positive and joyful thoughts are like Teflon, they slide away. We have to deliberately choose to hold onto positive thoughts before they’ll “imprint.” ~ Richard Rohr
You can read the rest of Fr Rohr’s meditation HERE.
I am aware that my spiritual condition ebbs and flows. Does yours? The challenge for me is to monitor my relationships. When there’s a critical thought about someone that Velcros to my attitude, I need to own the problem. It’s not my business to judge. It’s my business to stay spiritually fit so that I don’t judge and criticize. The best way to catch myself being unfit spiritually is to catch my negativity.
The tendency after I catch myself being unloving is then to judge myself. (You see how it works? Still Velcro negativity!)
How can I Teflon those thoughts again? I have some proven methods for reconnecting with God. You probably do, too. I’d be interested in hearing some of the things that work for you. I could share them in another post.
For now, I just recognize that the majority of ‘problems’ I have with people is actually a symptom of my own spiritual fitness. It’s a brain/heart issue of mine. I own it, you don’t. When I’m OK, you are OK, too.